Monsters

 

Starring Scoot McNairy and Whitney Able

If there was ever proof that you don’t need big bucks to make an amazing film, this is it. Made for less than half a million, Monsters makes up for its lack of special effects with great performances from its two main actors and a hell of a lot of creativity. Several years ago, NASA launched a probe into space to search for life on other planets. Upon entering our atmosphere, however, it burned up and crashed in Mexico. Soon, new life forms began to appear and a large part of Mexico was quarantined as an infected zone. Andrew Kaulder is a photojournalist working in South America. While documenting the destruction caused by a recent attack, he is asked by his editor to search for his daughter Samantha, who was hurt in the incident, and return her back to the United States. Once their road trip kicks off, however, they hit a few bumps, and are forced to trek through the quarantined zone. 

Right off the bat, the movie’s biggest accomplishment is its cinematography. Like I already said, the movie was made on the cheap, with people on the street being cast as extras and real locations being used (sometimes without permission) instead of movie sets. The shots of a ravaged countryside were absolutely captivating and beautiful. The monsters themselves looked great in the few shots where we see them, which is extremely surprising considering director Gareth Edwards did all the CGI with his home computer.

I’ve always thought the lack of budget forces directors to get more creative with their films. All the money in the world can’t buy you a good script, as recent blockbusters like Avatar and Transformers 2 can attest. But of course, what’s a good script if you don’t have actors who can deliver the lines properly? Scoot McNairy and Whitney Able, who play Andrew and Samantha, respectively, manage to bring great charisma and personality to their characters. The two, who are married in real life, have great chemistry, and the relationship that evolves in front of our eyes feels very real and adds to the feel of the story. 

For obvious reasons, the movie was being pushed as a District-9 type thriller, which it most definitely is not. I loved both movies, and though they may have their similarities, they are both completely different movies, with District-9 being more of an action film and Monsters more of a love story, similar to Cloverfield, but with less action and more heart. I cannot recommend this movie enough. It really is one of the best movies of the year, and I strongly urge you guys to hunt it down. You won’t regret it.

A+

The Walking Dead

Season 1 Episode 1: Days Gone Bye

***DISCLAIMER- I’ll be reviewing this show every week. Two episodes have aired already, and I’ll be posting a review for episode 2 later this week.***

***DISCLAIMER #2- Yes. I know this isn’t a movie. I’m also aware this blog is called “That Movie Sucked”, not “That TV Show Sucked”. Do I give a shit? No. Alrighty then. Let’s proceed.”***

I love zombies. Slow, fast, medium paced, I love them all. Give me a good story set against the backdrop of a zombie apocalypse and I’m in. However, as much as I may love them, I also agree that Hollywood is milking it for all it’s worth. Not quite sure how it all started, but the point is that many people are starting to get sick of it, and I can’t really say I blame you. You can only do a story about a group of survivors barricaded in *insert random location here* trying to stay alive so many times before it’s worn out its welcome and it’s time to move onto the next threat against humanity (I’m predicting robots. Or aliens. Or ROBOT ALIENS). Lucky for us, Robert Kirkman, creator of The Walking Dead comics, knows zombies. He, like George Romero did back in 1968, knows that the threat of being eaten by the living dead isn’t nearly as scary as the toll that it takes on those that are living. He understands that zombies aren’t what make a good zombie movie, but that it’s about the people and how they deal with the situation, how they adapt, and how they grow as human beings. Luckily for us, Frank Darabont (director of The Shawshank Redemption) decided to take up the mantle as executive producer of the show, and directed the pilot episode. He understands human emotion during the most dire of situations (as evidenced in both Shawshank and the horribly underrated The Mist, which none of you fuckers probably saw).

The pilot did a great job of setting up the plot of the series: cop by the name of Rick Grimes wakes up in a hospital from a coma to find that the world has been overrun by, guess what….the Walking Dead. After stumbling into this strange world, he encounters Morgan and Duane, a father and son that are holed up in Rick’s old neighbor’s house. After Morgan provides the necessary background information to Rick, and also the audience, they part ways, and Rick begins the search for his wife and son.

What I loved most about the pilot was how slow it was (hear me out you bloodthirsty savages). The episode took it’s time introducing us to all the characters. It made us care for them, from a man looking for his wife and son, to a man haunted by the inability to shoot his wife after she comes back from the dead. Now don’t get me wrong: I loved the blood and gore, and believe me, there was plenty of it. But like I said before, I care more about the emotion in a scene than how bad ass it is. What’s the point of murdering someone if it has no emotional depth to it? Why should we care? Darabont accomplishes the nearly impossible task of making us sympathize with the zombies themselves. He makes us realize that they’re not just dead people who have come back to life. They’re also husbands, sons, mothers, and wives, and no character in any piece of zombie fiction ever created feels this pain more than Morgan. It was bad enough seeing the love of your life, the mother of your child, die in front of you and your son. Now he has to decide whether to let her go on forever as a zombie or to put her down? Yikes. That was easily the best scene of the entire pilot, and the reason I instantly loved the show. I can’t wait to see what Frank Darabont has in store for us in the next 5 episodes. If this pilot is any indication, we’re in for one hell of a ride.

A

Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World

Starring Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ellen Wong, Chris Evans, Brandon Routh, Kieran Culkin

Hands down, the best samurai/musical/fantasy/romantic comedy/video game/comic book/manga/action movie you will ever see. If it sounds like I’m describing too many genres, it’s because this movie really is the perfect combination of everything you want from a movie, and more. This movie is the story of Scott Pilgrim. He’s a 22 year old unemployed guy who lives with his gay roommate Wallace Wells. He plays in a shitty band called Sex Bob-Omb and is dating high schooler Knives Chau. He soon meets the girl of his dreams, Ramona Flowers, and the two hit it off pretty well…until he learns that he must fight, and defeat, her seven evil exes in order to win her heart.

The trailer for this movie seemed to confuse a lot of people. No one seemed to know what the hell was going on. This is a movie that was made not for a quick buck at the box office, but as a tribute for all of us whose favorite toy growing up was a little device called Nintendo. Anyone who spent hours upon hours in front of their television with the Nintendo remote in their hands will easily catch all of the quick video game references sprinkled throughout the film, but those who didn’t will still be able to find something to bring a smile to their faces.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. The reason most people will steer clear of this movie: Michael Cera. By now we’ve all grown tired of his shtick. You can only do the awkward, horny teenager act so many times before people start to get sick of it and begin to hate you. Thankfully, director Edgar Wright is able to get an actual performance from Cera. Over the course of the movie, Scott goes from being a selfish and irresponsible jerk to a young man who is able to own up to his mistakes and take responsibility for his actions. As someone who was completely skeptical about Cera, I can honestly say that I can’t imagine anyone else being better suited for the role.

“But Fernando! You seemed to really love this movie! Why isn’t it #1 on your Top 10 list?”

Let me tell you why. A few months ago, director Edgar Wright posted something saying that after reading issue 6 of the Scott Pilgrim comics (which came out in July), he had decided to bring the cast back together to re-shoot some scenes. Apparently there was something in that last book that was way too good to pass up. Anyone could see where the original ending for the movie was headed, but instead Wright decided to go with the more conventional Hollywood ending, which is the movie’s biggest downfall. I wouldn’t have had a problem with it, except that it just didn’t feel natural. Seems kinda ironic that a movie as refreshing and original as this would opt for such a cliche ending, especially when it spends the last 15 minutes establishing a relationship between two characters.

My favorite part of the movie? The opening 8-bit Universal logo. Or Chris Evans as ex-skater turned shitty actor Lucas Lee. No wait. It’s Brandon Routh as psychic vegan rock star Todd Ingram. Nope that’s not it. It’s the bad guys turning into coins after being defeated. Or is it Kieran Culkin as Scott’s gay roommate Wallace Wells? Come to think of it, everything about this movie is the best part of the movie…except for the ending. And when Matthew Patel started singing. BARF

A

The Expendables

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, and Mickey Rourke

This movie was the third “men-on-a-mission” movie of the summer, following the disasterous “The Losers”, and the over-the-top “The A-Team”. Though they all have a similar plot (a group of men are wronged, and they spend the movie trying to correct the situation), they are all very different movies. The Expendables was made for fans of 80’s action movies. A group of mercenaries are hired by the mysterious “Mr. Church”, played by ?????, to infiltrate a South American country and overthrow its dictator. However, the men soon realize that things are not as they seem, and when their plans go terribly wrong, their brotherly bond will be put to the test.

Let’s face it: the only reason people give two shits about this movie is because of its cast. With a who’s who of action stars, it is the ultimate guy’s movie, and the studio knows people will pay to see them all together. Every actor in the movie plays a different action movie cliche: Barney, who’s the fearless leader with nothing to lose (Stallone); his wise cracking right hand man and blades expert Lee (Statham); Yin Yang, the expert at hand-to-hand combat (Li); Hale Caesar, the long barrel weapons specialist and longtime friend of Barney’s (Crews); and Gunnar, the odd one who seems troubled and you know is gonna come back to bite them in the ass (Lundgren). Like I said, the cast alone is enough to sell tickets (I myself fell victim to that. Sorry). None of the trailers I saw gave even a hint of the plot, instead choosing to place its cast front and center (and with a plot this senseless, I can’t really blame them). While the cast is what will reel people in, the action scenes are what will keep them in their seats, or on the edge of their seats, I guess. To be completely honest, I have no idea what the hell was going on plotwise. I was too busy shitting myself during the ridiculously awesome action scenes to even care. The movie has plenty of knives soaring through the air, explosions, gunfire, car chases, and body parts flying to satisfy even the most desensitized of action fans.

Remember when I said it was made for fans of 80’s action movies? Well, remember all the lame one liners the heroes would say after doing something bad ass? Well, there’s plenty of them here, much to the movies detriment. Most of the jokes fall completely flat, and feel really forced. Someone needs to tell these actors that just because they can kick our asses doesn’t mean they can make lame jokes.

Another big problem I had with this movie, aside from the incomprehensible plot and dumbass one liners, was the camerawork during the action scenes. The camerawork during those sequences was worse than in Cloverfield. This was seriously the first time my head has started to hurt due to the shaky camera. It’s a real shame, because its a well known fact that both Stallone and Statham insist on doing their own stunts. Doesn’t do you much good if we can’t see shit though does it?

Overall, I really enjoyed this flick. It won’t win over anyone who wasn’t already a fan of the cast, so don’t bother watching it if you aren’t already interested in seeing it. Go check out Eat Pray Love. Pussy.

B-

Inception

Starring Leonardo DeCaprio, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Ellen Page, Tom Hardy, Marion Cotillard, Ken Watanabe, Cillian Murphy, and Michael Caine

THIS MOVIE WILL BLOW YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MIND.

A+

Bronson

Starring Tom Hardy

***It’s kinda hard to review a biopic, since I can’t say much about the person’s life without spoiling something in the movie, but I’ll try my best.***

Bronson is based on the life of Michael Peterson, a 19-year-old who wanted to become famous. When most people want fame, what do they do? They learn to act and hope for a career in Hollywood. They pick up singing and try out for American Idol. What does Michael Peterson do? He gets a sawed off shotgun and robs a local post office. Originally sentenced to 7 years in prison, his violent tendencies towards his fellow inmates and the wards only served to extend his sentence to 34 years, 30 of which were spent in solitary confinement. The movie follows his life, and troubles, in prison, and his short stint as a bare knuckle boxer, during which he changed his alias to Charles Bronson.

The biggest factor that sets this movie apart from every other biopic, aside from that fact that it’s based on the life of a criminal, is Ed Hardy’s tour-de-force performance as the titular character. Hardy manages to turn a character that people would absolutely despise into someone that we want to see, if only to see who’s ass he kicks next.

Another thing that sets this movie apart is that the main character breaks the fourth wall, meaning that he talks to the audience. Throughout the movie, scenes would cut to Bronson on a stage in front of a huge audience and simply talk about what was going through his mind, or whatever he wants to talk about. It’s something that is hardly ever done in movies, but director Nicolas Winding Refn manages to make it very interesting.

The big thing I didn’t like about the movie was it’s gratuitous use of violence. I’m a giant pussy and can’t really stand to watch that kind of stuff (yet I loved A Clockwork Orange. Go figure). If you don’t have a problem with those kinds of scenes, then I’d highly recommend this movie, if only for Hardy’s absolutely brilliant performance. I cannot wait to see him in Inception. 

A-

The A-Team

Starring Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley, and Quinton “Rampage” Jackson 

Before the Scott Pilgrim and Inception trailers were released, this was easily my most anticipated movie of 2010. Based on the popular television series from the 1980’s, it follows a group of Army Rangers in Iraq (changed from the original Vietnam War setting to fit modern times) who are imprisoned for a crime which they did not commit. Determined to clear their names at any cost, the group escapes imprisonment in search of the people who set them up.

From the very beginning, the main element that sparked my interest was the casting. Liam Neeson as Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith was absolute perfection. Neeson proves that age is nothing but a number when it comes to kicking ass and taking names. From the way he chomps on his cigar to the cockiness with which he delivers his character’s classic line, I couldn’t imagine anyone being as good in this role as he was (besides the late John Peppard of course). Bradley Cooper as Templeton “Faceman” Peck seemed pretty obvious, what with him being one of today’s “hottest” actors and the face recognition that is sure to attract female audiences. He plays the character differently than he was portrayed in the show. While the 80’s Faceman got by with his charm, Cooper’s Faceman sleeps his way through the movie. I’m not sure we needed to see him seduce every girl he laid his eyes on. We get it: girls want you. Sharlto Copley was a complete surprise as H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock. I became a big fan of Copley’s after his brilliant performance in last year’s District 9, and was pretty excited to see what he brought to the table as the nutjob pilot, and sure enough, he delivers. Murdock was always my favorite member of the team, and it remains true. Finally, the biggest, and easily most important factor in remaking the A-Team: the casting of B.A. Baracus, the role that shot Mr. T into stardom. I must admit, I was a bit nervous when I heard he was being portrayed by a UFC fighter. It would be nearly impossible to make the character your own, especially when the character was specifically created for Mr. T. Rampage fits the character pretty well though. He brings more to the character than the simple “act tough and pity some fools” that was required for the role.

Hardcore fans of the show will be displeased due to the increase in violence. If you’ve ever seen an episode of the show, you’d know that even though they always used a fair amount of ammunition and more than enough explosives, not a single person ever died or got seriously hurt. After every major explosion or car flip, they’d make sure to show the villains crawl out of the wreckage in one piece. Well, guess what: this isn’t the 80’s. Times are changing. People need their violence. It’s kinda sad, I’ll admit, but the violence in the movie is so over the top and cartoony that I didn’t mind it one bit. In fact, I welcomed it with open arms.

One issue I had with the movie, albeit pretty minor, was the misuse of Baracus’ van. The van was such an iconic part of the show, it was almost like the fifth member of the team, and it was horribly underused. It was to the A-Team what the Millenium Falcon was to Han Solo, what the Batmobile was to Batman. To have it play such a minor role in this movie was pretty dissappointing to see. In an age where most action heroes drive suped up sports cars, it would’ve been refreshing to see someone use such a big and inconvenient, although bad ass, mode of transportation.
Another issue I had was some of the camerawork during some of the action scenes. Like the Bourne movies, it has a lot of shaky cam, so much so that it is hard to tell what’s going on at times. This seems to be something that plagues many of today’s action films.

This movie manages to achieve what many modern day remakes of classic American staples strive for: reach new audiences while remaining faithful to the original source material. Don’t go into this movie expecting a smartly written war thriller though, because it isn’t. Unlike many action movies, however, this movie knows it, and it thrives in it. Director Joe Carnahan knows what elements of the show made it such a big hit and is able to successfully translate them into a summer blockbuster that is sure to satisfy casual fans of the show while pleasing newcomers alike.

B

Iron Man 2

Starring Robert Downey Jr, Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Sam Rockwell, Scarlett Johansson, Sam Jackson, Mickey Rourke

Iron Man 2 takes place six months after the events of the first film, and not much has changed for Tony Stark. Oh, besides the fact that the palladium core in his chest is slowly killing him (who would’ve thought that having a power source implanted in your chest would be bad for you?), the U.S. government is on his ass, forcing him to share the Iron Man technology with the U.S. military, and his BFF James Rhodes is having trouble deciding whether his allegiance lies with his country or his best friend.

Considering most of you have already seen this movie, I’m just gonna skip the bullshit and get right to it: this movie was BAD. After the massive opening of the first Iron Man, Marvel Studios announced the sequel after only 3 days. The director Jon Favreau and Robert Downey Jr. themselves admitted this was being rushed, and boy does it show. The action scenes were horribly shot, especially the ones with Black Widow. There were a lot of scenes that were unnecessary and could’ve been taken out. They try WAY too hard to set up The Avengers. I could see why they would do this, since this movie will surely have a bigger audience than the upcoming Thor and Captain America films and they want to get the Avengers name out there, but they could’ve at least been more subtle about it. That’s what made the first movie so cool for comic fans: we were able to catch all the little Easter eggs without having them shoved in our faces.

One of the biggest issues plaguing this film was the characters. There was really no reason for the Black Widow character to be in this movie other than to give teenage males another woman to drool over. Every time she does something bad ass, she’d look at the camera in slow motion and it would stay there for a few seconds. Now I know she’s a pleasure to look at, but Jesus if I wanted to look at her for that long I’d Google Image her. Mickey Rourke was also a complete waste as the underdeveloped, poorly motivated villain Whiplash. Don Cheadle was a disgrace, having replaced Terrance Howard, who at least LOOKED like James Rhodes. Most of the movie has Cheadle struggling to fit the boots left behind by Howard, but unfortunately there isn’t half as much chemistry between him and Downey as there was with Howard. As for Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury…YIKES. That wasn’t Nick Fury. That was Sam Jackson wearing an eye patch.

The only positive addition to this movie was Sam Rockwell, who plays the jealous, childish arms industrialist, and rival to Tony Stark, Justin Hammer. Seems pretty ironic considering he was originally set to play Tony Stark in the first Iron Man (I’m glad it went to Downey, though it would’ve been interesting to see what Rockwell would’ve done). He steals every scene he’s in and is able to stand toe to toe with Downey, which I’m sure is no easy feat. The inclusion of War Machine was pretty bad ass too, though he was slightly underused (seems to be the trend in this movie don’t it?).

The film seemed to have several different themes going on, none of which were appropriately tied together: legacy, alcoholism, the U.S. government and their love for weapons superiority. At the end of the day, you’re left wondering: was this movie really necessary? The answer is NO. It wasn’t.

D+

Kick Ass

Starring Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Nicholas Cage, and Chlöe Moretz 

“How come nobody’s ever tried to be a superhero?” 

That is a question Dave Lizewski asks his friends while hanging out at their local comic shop. Determined to take up the cause and help his fellow man, Dave dons a scuba suit he purchased online and the name Kick-Ass. After a video of him in action is posted on YouTube, he begins to attract the attention of the costumed father/daughter team Big Daddy and Hit Girl, and of the local mob, who is none too happy with the crimefighters’ actions. 

Kick-Ass was one of my most anticipated movies of the year. Having read the comics, seen the Comic-Con footage and the red band trailers, I really could not wait to see this movie. After hearing so many great things about it though, I couldn’t help but fear that it would fail to live up to the hype. Fear not however, as this movie was absolutely fantastic. I cannot recommend it enough. Everything about it was great: the dialogue, the action, the pacing, and the acting. 

Though all the actors were great, there are two that deserve a special shoutout. The first being Nicholas Cage, whom I was never a big fan of (sorry Mom). As someone who hasn’t been a fan of his acting since Matchstick Men, I’ve gotta say he was just perfect for the role of Big Daddy, the morally questionable father of Hit Girl. Cage mentioned in several interviews that his biggest inspiration for the role was Adam West’s Batman, and it clearly shows. They even acknowledge the similarities in the movie a few times.

The other actress, and the one who is sure to be everyone’s favorite, was Chlöe Moretz, who completely steals the movie as the vulgar 11-year old assassin Hit Girl. Everytime she’s on screen you can’t help but keep your eyes on her. She is just adorable, and has quite a career ahead of her. 


Of course, most movies aren’t perfect. Even a movie as great as this had its issues. Minor, but they were there. In terms of the theme the movie had, at times I wasn’t sure if I was watching a satire of comic book movies, a morality story or a coming of age comedy, but all that seems insignificant when the movie delivers what is sure to be one of the best times you’ll have at the movies this year. 

A

Date Night

Starring Steve Carell and Tina Fey

Before I start the review, let me just say that it is about DAMN TIME someone put Steve Carell and Tina Fey in a movie together. What the hell took so long? 

Anyways, this movie stars the aforementioned actors as Phil and Claire Foster, a jaded suburban couple whose marriage has gone sour. Determined to spice their marriage up before it comes to an end, the two decide to hire a babysitter and have a Date Night. Opting to try something new, the couple go to a trendy Manhattan bar, one that requires reservations a month in advance. After being rejected by the snobbish waiter, Phil decides to take the table of a no show couple, the Tripplehorns. Halfway through their very expensive dinner they are interrupted by two gentlemen, believing the couple to be The Tripplehorns. It seems the REAL Tripplehorns stole something of value from them and they want it back. One thing leads to another, and the story eventually becomes a case of mistaken identity. 
This movie was A LOT better than I expected, all thanks to Tina Fey and Steve Carell. These two were meant to star in movies together, playing off each other so well you’d think they were actually married. 
It also didn’t hurt to have one of the best supporting casts in ages: Kristen Wiig, Mark Ruffalo, Mark Wahlberg and Ray Liotta all bring their A-game, not to mention James Franco and Mila Kunis, who were it not for the casting of Carell and Fey, would easily walk away with the movie.

My only problems with the movie were that some of the editing felt a bit sloppy, but that was probably due to the improvising by the actors, and a stripping scene in the third act that went on for a little too long. Other than those minor issues, you really can’t go wrong watching this one. I’d highly recommend it. 



B

Hot Tub Time Machine

Starring Craig Robinson, John Cusack, Clark Duke, and Rob Corddry 

This was one of those movies where the title alone was enough to piqué my interest. The concept is fairly simple: 4 miserable friends take a trip to a ski resort where they used to party as teenagers, only to get in a HOT TUB, which is, you guessed it, aTIME MACHINE. They travel to 1982 and face the dilemma of either reliving the past exactly as they already did, or changing it and risk affecting the future in unforseeable ways. 

One of my biggest issues with the movie was how badly it wanted to be The Hangover. You’ve got the wild one who gets all the funny lines (Corddry/Galifianakis), the giant puss who is whipped by his cheating wife/girlfriend (Robinson/Helms) and the asshole who only thinks about himself (Cusack/Cooper). Unfortunately, the 4 actors in Hot Tub don’t have what the 3 actors in Hangover had, which is what made the movie work so well:CHEMISTRY. Hangover worked because you could actually picture those guys (minus Galifianakis, since he was more or less the wild card) hanging out and dicking around, whereas the guys in Hot Tub looked bored in each others company. Maybe I’m wrong, but shouldn’t a buddy comedy have stars that actually look like buddies? 

While the movie wasn’t anything great, it did have it’s memorable performances: Chevy Chase, Lizzy Caplan, and Crispin Glover being the standouts. It’s just sad that they’re all supporting performances. 


C